18w6d pregnant 🙂
I am happy today. I don’t know why, but I am actually so happy I could cry with the happiness that I feel in my soul. Aren’t you glad to hear it? lol After a long, long day of the headache that kept me realing in pain all day yesterday, without break, I went to bed early and woke with an appreciation for life and all it has to offer 🙂 What a better feeling to have than to always be miserable. Maybe today is the first day of my vitrual second trimester, you know, when the illness stops and you start to enjoy your baby bump and all that comes along with it? Maybe, who knows. Am I glowing, can you see it through the airwaves?
This feeling is familar to me, but hasn’t been around in months. I would say since August 12th ,to be honest. And that makes me feel bad. I just hope that I can hold on to it for as long as humanly possible!
This morning I woke a bit earlier than normal. I threw my hair back into a bun, meaning it was day three since washing and it is the only way I can do my hair. Instead of getting dressed, I went into Katie’s room and scooped her up and told her there was lots (3 or 4 inches at most) of snow and to look. She got a sleepy smile on her face. I plopped her into my bed and got back in, and we snuggled, as we do every morning of the week. Todd got up, strangely, and he went out and took care of the driveway so it was clean for me to drive out to work. Katie wanted to get up and get ready so she could go play in the snow. I got her dressed, got myself dressed and we went outside. It was 6am. Seriously.
I don’t know what about that breif time got me so happy, it just did. I took my time getting to work. I stopped at Panera and got coffee and some yummy treats. And I.took.my.time. I never take my time. Ask my neighbors, who have all seen me driving like a bat out of hell (that is the phrase right?) down the express way at speeds topping (oy!) 90 miles an hour. Always in a hurry to get from here to there.
A few weeks ago I was at my neighbor’s house getting my hair done. Another neighbor was there getting her’s done as well while I waited my turn. They were chatting about driving or something and I got into the conversation. My friend (the one getting her hair done) said she drives 65 on cruise all the way in and all the way home. At first, I will admit, I was annoyed, thinking who wants to spend all that time in the car? Why not drive from here to there as fast as you can, without getting caught? But, today, I figured out why. I was less stressed. I knew I would get there in just enough time and I was un-stressed by the cars flying by. I didn’t get mad at the car in front of me and I just listend to the radio. I enjoyed my coffee and my pastry (that was oh, so good!) and got to work just when I needed to.
Last week I was at a work function and a couple of guys that I see once a year for this function, yet talk to them often on the phone, gave me a wake up call. Their impression of me is that I am generally an unhappy person (they said this without saying this). But I’m not, I really am not. I have been having a rough time lately with my body and not feeling well, but I am happy. But this really got to me. Since this conversation with them I have been really hard pressed to figure out something, anything, that will bring my mood back. Back to where I was before August 12th.
I talked to my best friend about this via email, where I tend to write to her as if she were my diary. It works for us. We have been doing that for years and years. She got it. She understood. Like my one post here, I was in a rut. The question always remains, how the heck do you get yourself out of it?
I thought finding God might be that answer. I was struggling with something for the past 8 or 9 months and maybe that was what was at the heart of the matter. Maybe that was really eating me alive and finding God was the answer? We have been going to church and I have been feeling more in-tune for a while… so, no, that wasn’t it.
So then what? This week I have really been upset about the whole conversation with my co-workers so I NEED to figure it out. Yesterday was a bad, bad day. The headache I had was something I can’t explain. It was all day and it was BAD. Despite my bad headache, I was determined to make ornaments with my daughter last night. We were either going to go to the pottery place and make something or figure out something to make at home. With the suggestion of friends on Facebook, we figured out something to make and we made it. She was excited and I was happy, headache and all. We didn’t finish, had to wait for the items to dry and will finish tonight.
I went to bed about 9pm last night. I was so tired, I don’t remember even laying in bed. But this morning I woke with a new feeling. Happiness that gives me a great feeling. A feeling that just clicked. I want to spread it to everyone! But I can’t explain why the sudden change in feelings, emotions, thoughts. But it doesn’t matter, I will take it! I feel great! Physically and emotionally.
Things I am grateful for today (please list your’s in the comments section)
- snow, enough to play in
- coffee (yes decaf)
- Consuelo (I am getting my nails done tonight)
- my job
- my car
- my mom
- my belly
I hope you have a wonderful day. Tomorrow we go for another ultrasound!